In Washington today, Democrats attempted to resolve the issue of the federal surplus. "I just can't believe it", screamed one Democrat. "I mean, after all of our wasteful spending and all of our bullshit programs, are you telling me that we still have money left over? What the hell did we do wrong?!?"
Congressional Republicans have been requesting a tax cut. However, according to another unnamed Democratic source, "We better spend this surplus quick to make sure the money is being used efficiently, yada yada yada, and if I still want my vacation to Hawaii."
Republicans have begun discussing the possibility of tax cuts in order to give back some of the surplus to the American people. However, they have reportedly still refused to give back the wombs of women, everybody's good weed, and all the atheist texts which they are still keeping under lock and key somewhere in the Yukon.
