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Department of Motor Vehicles Offers Bold New Service
by Adam Burford
The Dept. of Motor Vehicles (DMV) announced Friday a radical new program to speed up its day-to-day operations. Generally considered the premiere model of government inefficiency, the DMV has set out to redefine itself.
The new program, entitled "We Have Control Over You, Get Used to It," has been put into place without your knowledge, but the officials in charge want you to come up to speed on this real quick.
The following are some of the highlights of the new program. Alternating every two and a half years, based on personal weight on your 16th birthday, hair color of your Father (if applicable), difference in waste size since your last child, and number of insects that have inadvertently flown into your mouth between the ages of 6 and 12 years of age as determined by your last visit to the office of a qualified doctor, the DMV will provide you with a date that you can write for a special VIP Voucher to receive Zip-Through Spiffy Service. Once you have your VIP Voucher, simply bring it into any local office. The DMV will then mail you an RSVP invitation for services desired. Dates that VIP Vouchers are delivered are subject to modification on alternating anniversary dates as last specified in section C of your local newspaper. Some dates are adjusted to avoid conflict with holidays of garbage collection employees. During summer months, all rules will be subject to re-writing as seen fit. Sir, uh, I mean Madam, have a nice day, next!
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