November 30, 1963
Mrs. Jackie Kennedy
The White House
Dear Mrs. Kennedy:
Na Na Na-Na Naaaaaaaa!
Yours,
Richard M. Nixon
August 30, 1943
The Vatican
Adolph Hitler
Berlin, Germany
Mr. Hitler:
I am writing in strong Christian protest of the goings-on at Auschwitz Concentration Camp, Poland.
A parishioner is a prison guard at the above-mentioned facility. He has reported to me directly that the guards are required to work more than 8 hours per shift without overtime.
Such antichristian management practices are a shame to any civilized society. I implore you to correct this situation at once.
Yours,
Pope Pious XII
The Holy Lands
5500 B.C.
Dearest Abraham:
Congrats on being selected to head God's chosen people. There's no better man for the job.
It goes without saying that my tribe and I willingly, eagerly, agree to being included. However, we have but one minor appeal.
You say God wants us to cut off the skin on our dicks, as a sign of the covenant. Do you think perhaps He'd reconsider? How about something more visible as a testament of our dedication, like a gold ring on the finger? Last night two men screamed and yelled all night, trying to cut off the foreskin with a dull rock. I thought I'd never get to sleep.
Anyway, please consider our appeal.
Yours,
Cousin Lot
P.S. You inquired about our provisions. We find ourselves woefully short of salt. Could you please include our need in your petition to the Almighty? Thanks.
