One journalist, noticing a sign on the cage which read "Do not feed Christ", asked about the unhealthy specimen.
Turner was quick to reply. "Well, we have learned through trial and error that the food of modern culture doesn't
seem to settle too well with people from the past. This particular specimen was fed a Fig Newton."
Turner said he believes the Christ will pull through in a few days. "If not," Turner said, "Well, hell, he'll make a good lawn ornament."
Despite the sign's warning, one journalist approached the cage and attempted to feed the Christ a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The hungry Christ lunged forward and bit the hand off the naive but kind-hearted reporter.
"Oh, and one more thing", said Turner to the remaining reporters who had both hands. "As you can see, a hungry Christ is not a nice Christ."
Upon reaching the end of the tour, Turner and the escorted group headed back towards the entrance gates. On the way, however, curiosity got the best of one reporter from the Washington Post, who wandered off of the paved path and unfortunately met a ghastly death as several Raptor Christs got a hold of him and ripped him into pieces.
Aside from the two minor incidents, the reviews of the park have been favorable. One writer from the Chicago Sun Times said that he would give the park two thumbs up if he still had both of his hands.
So it appears, at least for now, that Jesus Park has a bright future after all.
