"FISHPA?" you ask.
"Yeah, the Fairness in Superhero Hiring Practices Act. Don't tell me you're here for the interview?" You nod. The masked man in the blue cape shakes his head, "For your sake, I hope that S on your suit stands for severely mentally challenged."
You weren't expecting this. "Uh, no..." you improvise, "But kryptonite..."
The man in blue points to the front door. "Sorry, sir. We have to give people without superpowers a chance."
"Without superpowers? Don't you need superpowers to be a superhero? Isn't that sort of... part of the job?"
"Sir, you're talking about enforcing strict standards. Under FISHPA, that's illegal discrimination. What about the people who don't meet any standards? What are you going to do about them?"
"Isn't that... their problem?" you ask.
"That's a cruel thing to say. Don't you care about people's feelings?"
You wonder how you got into this conversation, but you can't resist asking, "How are their feelings going to give them the ability to stop an evil genius and his henchmen from taking over the world?"
"Sir, from now on, superheroes will provide the world with something much more important than their abilities."
"And what's that?"
"The security of knowing that whether people have any abilities or not is completely irrelevant."
Years later, still at the newspaper, one of your colleagues does a story on the successful transformation of the Hall of Justice (now renamed the Hall of Compassion) into a "people-friendly" organization.
To illustrate the results of the Fairness Act, she profiles a selection of the current roster of superheroes:
