Ding Dong, the Pope is Dead
Regardless of your religious views or political persuasion, I think we can all agree on one thing about Pope John Paul II. He was a full-grown adult who believed in an invisible man. And he didn't sell chickens.
Contrast the Pope with a real man who died two days before the Pope: Frank Perdue. Frank Perdue turned an egg business into a billion-dollar chicken company.
"In building his poultry business, Perdue was the consummate entrepreneur and workaholic, who would put in 18 hours a day and get by on three or four hours' sleep. He had a cot in his office and often spent the night there, even though his home was 50 yards away."
Interestingly, what Pope John Paul II and Frank Perdue had in common was that, at one time or another, they were both in the abortion business. Frank sold aborted chickens. The Pope sold an insurance policy that requires the abortion of happiness on Earth for the sake of vague promises about ghosts and clouds. Personally, I'd rather get Geico.
(I really wish the title of this piece were mine. It was too good not to use, so in return for the gift, I'm fulfilling the inventor's request of not giving her the credit she deserves.)
Sarah Jessica Parker
I've never seen a clearer case of vagina envy than in Sarah Jessica Parker. She actually has a commercial out now in which she's singing about how much she loves "being a girl". Ok, Jessica, we get the point. Clinically-speaking, you're a woman.
The advertising industry treats this woman like a female Ron Jeremy. They must think that the average-looking woman can identify with her.
Sarah Jessica Parker proves that some women can actually dress too femininely. She reminds me of the Land of Misfit Toys from the Christmas special. It's like the factory installed the wrong head onto her body.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with her looks. I just have a problem with her unwise decision to call attention to herself.
MTV
The first thing MTV ever played was Video Killed the Radio Star. It's all gone downhill from there. Well, except for Jackass.
Yellow Fever
Anyone in the mood for Asian breasts? Finally, a website that will tell you how to realize your fantasy. I like them with hot sauce.
Homeless News
The other day, a homeless guy was selling a newspaper with a supposedly all-homeless sales staff, called "BIGNews". One of the guy's selling points for this newspaper was that it contains "unusual fiction". No kidding, this was the actual phrase he used.
In my opinion, he could have just left it at "please buy my homeless newspaper". I think everyone would have inferred the nature of the content.
