Business "Intelligence"
Here why American corporations have a reputation for unfathomable stupidity. A company called "Avaya" (specializing in the optimally vague field of "Voice & Data Technology and Services"), has hired Wayne Brady as their spokesman to read the generic corporate-speak bullshit written by the sexually-repressed advertising copywriters on their payroll.
To remind you, Wayne Brady is known primarily for his role on Whose Line Is It Anyway? - an improv show! They took a guy whose talent and source of popularity is his ability to express his own wit and creativity, paid him to suppress it, and expected him to sell their shit with his smile alone.
My question is: Does anyone actually think I would pay these fucking morons for anything after such a blatant admittance of their own stupidity?
Commercials with "Everyday People"
As someone with experience in both advertising and marketing, it really drives me up the wall to see commercials with actors paid to act like customers. You know, the commercials with people named "Bill" or "Susan" claiming to have used Brand X toilet paper and how they just love it, after which they pick up their pay check, go home, and wipe their ass with the competition?
The fact is, these actors aren't acting. They're lying!
Don't tell me how you wiped your ass with that toilet paper and how it's the softest fucking thing you ever used. If you're getting paid to say what someone else wrote, you're nothing but a lying sack of shit whose words are uttered solely as an attempt to get me to imitate you like some kind of fucking monkey who wipes his ass with whatever Bill or Susan use. Well, fuck Bill and Susan! And fuck you and your sell-out acting career, too!
Now, excuse me while I wipe my ass with a copy of Consumer Reports.
(Speaking of which, I wonder if Consumer Reports always comes out on top of their list of best magazines?)
Subtlety
There's a difference between being subtle, and forcing someone to read your mind. In the first case, you're expressing something with wit or intelligence. In the second case, you just think you are, and blame everyone else for their inability to supply your statement with the wit and intelligence you omitted.
Here's the point. Subtlety is great, but how about giving us a clue as to what the fuck you're talking about?
Rudeness
My girlfriend chided me last night for turning my head twice to look at some girl in the bar we were in. Her complaint was that the girl was too ugly to deserve two looks.
I hate being guilted into checking out the good-looking women.
