Those Peace-Loving Iranians
Iranian politicians were hard at work Sunday. They passed legislation which declares that the government is "required to make use of scientists and the country's facilities... in order to enable the country to master peaceful nuclear technology, including the cycle of nuclear fuel." (Associated Press, Oct. 31, 2004)
I'm convinced. Iran just wants nuclear-powered coffee machines. And it's hard to keep those streetlights on when you only have 10% of the world's oil reserves.
More from the Associated Press:
"To shouts of 'Death to America,' Iran's parliament unanimously approved the outline of a bill Sunday that would require the government to resume uranium enrichment, legislation likely to deepen an international dispute over Iran's nuclear activities."
This just might be an occasion for someone to add two and two together. Kind of like when someone takes out a gun and asks for your wallet. If you have your own gun, you don't necessarily wait until the barrel of his gun is pointing in your direction to do something about it. You shoot him several times in the body and once between the eyes.
Oh wait, I'm sorry. I'm thinking of real life. In foreign affairs, you offer to withdraw money from an ATM and buy him another dozen guns. Then you offer to clean them for him, and you ask him to promise not to shoot you with them. Then, if you're lucky, he'll agree to let you periodically inspect his gun cabinet to make sure his guns' safeties are all turned on. And then you go about your business until he shoots you or tries to extort more money or guns from you.
Jesus Christ, if Iranian politicians had shouted "Death to America" while discussing their grandmothers' kebab recipes, I'd be concerned. But they were talking about enriching Uranium! Is there anyone with a fucking brain on this planet??
The High-Heel Impaired
Have you seen these women in high heels, the ones who either aren't very good at walking in them, or their shoes don't fit right, or whatever? They look like they're trying to walk through a goddamn minefield or cow pasture. They're hobbling around on completely flat ground, as if mankind has an evolutionary need to walk around on jagged terrain, and high heels are just the female means of expressing it.
I'm not claiming I could walk any better in high heels. I'm just saying that you really shouldn't be walking around in these things if you look like a cripple on stilts.
Here's a tip, ladies: the shoes don't make you look good if you look like a fucking moron. I'm not advocating a government licensing board yet. Right now, I'm asking for voluntary cooperation. The women who are capable of walking in high heels may continue to do so. All others, you may purchase them (I understand that shopping for shoes is an addiction which cannot be controlled), but please refrain from ever appearing with them in public.
No gay friend is going to tell you this, but trust me, deep down, they agree.
