Visit of the Iranian President
Drudge reports that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wants to visit New York to dance on the graves of the 2,973 victims of the September 11 attacks. I guess he's also planning to make a speech at the UN on September 19.
I wonder if the UN's security system is capable of detecting liquid explosives. If I can't bring mine in a carry-on, Ahmadinejad's hair sure as fuck deserves to go dry that day.
And if we do allow this guy in, what exactly does that say about our standards for the entrance of foreigners into this country? If you can be the leader of a terrorist group and get in, by what standard do we stop the terrorist leader's fifth-rank peons from entering? The only thing that would protect us from him, or vice versa, is the presence of a thousand video cameras.
Obviously, if I were to advocate what I'm thinking right now, I would advocate that it be done by someone in the CIA or US military. I wouldn't want some civilian to accidentally hurt the wrong person. And most of all, for Christ's sake, I wouldn't want anyone to fuck it up and miss.
So, let me ask. Is it legal for me to advocate the assassination of a foreign leader on American soil?
Bill Maher
I've found myself watching Real Time with Bill Maher every once in a while. As left-wing as this guy usually is, I find myself agreeing with a lot of his political criticism, and he's often very funny. (New Rules are great, better than Letterman's Top-Ten List ever was.) And once in a while, Maher even has a libertarian or right-winger on his show who isn't a complete straw-man pussy. (He had Penn Gillette recently, and on Sept. 8, he'll have Benjamin Netanyahu and PJ O'Rourke. O'Rourke can be funny, and Netanyahu is the fucking man.)
The problem I have with Maher, then, isn't his criticism of the United States. The problem is his tendency to cheer for the other team. A team that prides itself on crushing skulls. (And I'm not talking about the goddamn Oakland Raiders.)
Rap and Rap Lite
Rap is the musical pet rock. Except that people were too stupid to stop buying it after one season. Rap is as much "music" as a pet rock was a "toy". But I'm not criticizing pet rocks or rap. I'm just saying this shit is taken way too seriously.
Rap, like other rhythmic "music" without melody (such as a drum solo), should be played sparingly, intermittently between actual music. At a heavy metal or jazz concert, I figure a decent drum solo lasts about, what, 1/30th or 1/60th of the total concert? By my calculations, that means that rap or rap lite (or "hip hop", for fuck's sake) should be listened to once every six or seven songs at the absolutely most. The rest should be fucking music!
A series of non-melodic beats is the most primitive form of music. It's a caveman banging two rocks, except now he's using a computer and sampling real music that somebody else created. I'll even give the caveman the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's banging on two different parts of the rock, and creating two different pitches. But it's not a melody, and if it's "music", it sure ain't a complete piece of music.
As for lyrics, let's assume there exists one well-written set of rap lyrics for every hundred rap "songs". Big fucking deal. You can call that poetry with a drum machine. I'm fine with that. Poetry is an art. But goddamn, do I hate poetry.
I bought a pet rock once at a garage sale. I think I was six years old. I gave up God in college. The last rap album I bought was the He Got Game soundtrack. I got it long after the movie came out, and I bought it because I liked what Public Enemy did with the Buffalo Springfield song. I still blast it once in a while. And I wouldn't even rule out buying another rap album, at some point. So, I'll say this about rap. It's at least more interesting to me than pet rocks and God.
Misguided Idiots
Can we please stop using the word "misguided" to describe adults who ought to know better?
Artists Formerly Known as "Artists"
Two words about rock stars: they're musicians. They're not "artists". They play goddamn guitars and sing. Vermeer was an "artist". These guys are lucky not to be belted with my fucking beer bottles.
New Jersey Teachers
NJ public school teachers are running a commercial advertising "the most graduates ready for college". Pardon me while I say, "give me a fucking break, you fucking idiots." Note that New Jersey teachers are not advertising "the highest percentage of graduating students". They're advertising the most graduates "ready" for college.
Now, I could go on bitching about the wording used in this commercial, but it turns out I'm wrong. The fault is the inept grammarian in the ad agency, not the teachers. According to the Manhattan Institute, New Jersey has the highest graduation rate (88%).
And here I was planning to say that New Jersey schools were generating the most graduates ready to produce misleading Powerpoint presentations. I went to a private NJ high school, so I consider my own Powerpoints to be satisfactorily non-misleading.
Pretty Athletes
I used to find it dopey that my cousin cheered for the cutest baseball players. What a hypocritical bastard I was. I always root against the uglier female tennis player.
Speaking of tennis, do you think that tennis would be more popular if it had TV announcers who weren't complete morons? I know when it will get more popular. When it's available for remixing on the Web. When you can watch live tennis with Joe Asshole doing his own semi-intelligent commentary, I guarantee you tennis fans will come crawling out of the woodwork.
