(I'm back from Germany. The piece below was written on my last night before flying back to NYC.)
This is the goddamn life. This is why it's great to be alive.
I'm sitting here in my hotel room in Heidelberg listening to Markus on the German MTV babble incoherently (to me), as the new Bjork video finishes up. Jesus Christ, I'd be happy enough with the fact that I've just seen an actual video on MTV. But it gets even better.
As I write this, the big salad, soup, and huge glass of dark weizen beer are on their way up via room service. When the room service guy (what the hell do you call him - a waiter, a bellboy? I don't freaking know) gets up here, I'm going to tip him the equivalent of less than 5 bucks, and he's going to want to kiss my feet, just like the guy from last night, because of how strong the US dollar is right now.
And do I have to wait for my beer? Hell, no. That's why God invented the mini-bar. I'm already sitting here with a Henninger Pilsner. Hmm, should I worry about not waking up in time to catch the taxi to the airport? Nah, I'll just get a wake-up call.
See what I mean? I love it. Every action I take in this bedroom has to cost someone the equivalent of what some people make in a week. This fact makes me very happy.
Ok, so listening to this damn MTV cartoon talking in German is pretty annoying. And you know what's more annoying? When a cartoon chick looks good. I don't feel guilty about it or anything, but I have to admit that it's kind of strange to look up at the TV and think: "That cartoon German chick has a great ass."
The stewardess on the plane from Hamburg today also had a great ass, though it scored a few extra points just for being composed of flesh rather than ink. She did have pants on, though, so that's only my assumption. (And yes, I say "stewardess". The day I say "female flight attendant" is the day my genitals fall off due to atrophy.)
I haven't ordered any "adult" movies yet since I've been here. I'm not sure why, but I guess the children's movie selection has been adequate. I watched The Exorcist last night, after realizing that I've never actually seen the whole thing. Embarrassingly, I fell asleep during the exorcism. Oh, well. So much for seeing the new "Director's Cut" ending Ebert had bitched so much about.
I had an idea for a new theme song for the movie. Maybe they can include it in the next "director's cut". Tentatively, the song is entitled "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Cunting Daughter", but I'm open to suggestions.
I've identified a general flaw in the German people. But before I get to that, let me comment on the food that just arrived. This is living. Beautiful flowers (real, not fake) sit in a vase on the tray, along with cloth napkins and garlic bread I didn't ask for. Oh, screw it. So the Germans are flawed. At least they serve me food and beer.
Time to watch Billy Elliott. Gotta love that T-Rex.
Signing off,
JR
P.S. You would not believe how big this big salad is.
P.P.S. This is the second time I'm watching Billy Elliott. I love this movie. It reminds me of what I liked about another movie (which I don't want to spoil by telling you the name): It's about someone who discovers what he was born to do, and doing it. But it's more than that. It's the innocence of the main character: that it just doesn't fucking matter what anyone else thinks.
P.P.P.S. And Planet Queen by T-Rex (which plays in the opening scene) ain't bad either.
