The second problem with the phrase "Merry Christmas" is the very problem that "Happy Holidays" was formulated for the purpose of solving. That is, not everyone celebrates Christmas. No one, however, celebrates "Xmas". (At least, not consciously.) Therefore, I recommend that we formally use the phrase "Merry Xmas" when spreading Xmas cheer throughout the Xmas holidays. Granted, no one will know whether or not you're being sarcastic or not, but so what? Don't worry about hurting the hard-core Christians' feelings. They already have to deal with the worldwide commercialization of Christmas, not to mention the question of whether the guy who delivered this week's Bible reading is fondling young boys. So a little sarcasm is nothing, believe me. And as to the religious non-Christians, a "Merry Xmas" is a welcome alternative. In fact, the "X" in Xmas can easily be taken algebraically. In other words:
Merry [Insert Your Holiday Here]mas!
Now that we've got that out of the way, what is the true meaning of Xmas?
As with many manmade creations, there's some good and some bad. Belonging to the latter group, we have the incessant Xmas music. If I'm trying to buy an ugly pair of purple mittens for a third-cousin in-law twice-removed, the last thing I want to hear is the sound of Bruce Springsteen's irritating "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" pounding upon my ear drums. Springsteen, quite possibly the most overrated rock musician next to Eric Clapton, comes back to haunt us year after year like Dickens' ghosts, and I've had enough.
And, please. Someone run me over with a reindeer if I ever hear "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" again. This song was mildly entertaining the first time it was played. Now, I can only pray that Superman will fly around the Earth several thousand times to increase the likelihood that Elmo Shropshire, the writer of that grating piece of noise pollution, will have an unfortunate ice-fishing accident before the thought of unleashing that Hell on Earth will have had the chance to blossom within his humanity-hating head.
Hmm... a new use for the future pluperfect tense. Something that might happen in the future, after time is reversed by Superman.
Speaking of irritating Xmas music, there's an "alternative rock" radio station here in New York that has what they call their "Twisted Christmas" show. Unfortunately, I don't think their supply of Nirvana versions of the classics is a very large pile, so even they've had to result to pulling out the Springsteen song. They did play my favorite Xmas song, though, so I won't bash them too much.
And, by the way, the only reason Run, Rudolph Run is so good is because it's just like every other Chuck Berry Song.
"Out of all the reindeer, you know you're the mastermind..."
You gotta love it. Chuck rules.
