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That Which Kills You Makes You Dead
(What really makes you stronger)

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by Jason Roth

You know what they say: "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Let's reflect on that for a moment. Why don't we apply that idea to, I don't know, say, child molestation.

Is there anyone who would attempt to argue that molesting children makes them stronger? That would sure lead to an odd workout regiment, don't you think? I'd like to see the look on Susie's mommy's face when the school nurse recommends lots of calcium and three sets of "icky touching" a day at ten reps each to build strong, healthy bones.

No, not everything makes you stronger. How you deal with stuff determines whether it makes you stronger or not. It's the overcoming of adversity that makes you stronger, not the adversity itself. Plenty of people let adversity destroy them. Adversity only makes you stronger if you can say after the fact: "I pulled that off. "That was the biggest pain in my ass, but I beat that bastard."

Saying "that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" is such a lame rationalization for having a shitty life. "Well, my entire family went over a cliff in a station wagon during our annual camping trip, all because I was stupid enough to leave the car in neutral again while I was out taking a piss. But you know what? That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

Yeah.

Maybe you're stronger than your mom, dad, in-laws, cousins, brothers, and sisters who took the nose-dive off the cliff, screaming on the top of their lungs until they were physically able to see the backs of their own heads. Sure, you're stronger than them. If I were a Las Vegas odds maker, I'd probably give anyone at least two-to-one in an arm wrestling match against a flattened in-law.

If there's any meaning to "strength" in the sense at hand, it's "an increased ability to take action in difficult circumstances". How would you gain that increased ability? I'd say it boils down to two things. One, the knowledge that comes from experience. That is, knowing how to deal with difficult stuff in general, and how to deal with specific kinds of situations.

More importantly, though, strength comes from increased self-confidence: knowing that you can do it.

And this isn't the bogus pseudo-self-esteem garbage they teach in school - the "Help Johnny feel good about himself" crap.

Real self-esteem is actual knowledge about actual facts. And it's knowledge you didn't have before. You might have known you had the potential to overcome a particular challenge, but you can't have the certainty of your ability until you actually deal with a challenge and wipe your proverbial ass with it.

The harder the challenge you overcome, the easier the next one is. The next time you encounter a challenge, you're armed with the knowledge of having kicked serious ass before, and therefore knowing you are a person who can kick serious ass.

(Note the importance of ass metaphors to self-esteem.)

To me, the next best thing to my own accomplishments is someone else's. That's why it's great to have people around you who also kick ass in their own lives. And just as important, or maybe even better, is having actual heroes.

Heroes are underrated. Don't you get the feeling that most people think having a hero is just plain childish? Screw them. Having a hero means knowing (a) what qualities are good in a human being, (b) being able to identify those qualities in someone, and (c) enjoying seeing that such a person exists.

I'd like to see some cynical, Mohawk haircut-wearing bastard in Doc Martens and an anarchy sign tattooed to his forehead try to accomplish the above mentioned (a), (b), and (c). Most people are too preoccupied with being against stuff to have the time or desire to be for anything.

Imagine there were a hero-worshippers anonymous organization. (Since the acronym is "HWA", I guess they'd need a Bruce Lee fan as president. Sorry, dumb joke.) I would have to go up to the podium and say, "My name is Jason Roth. And my first hero was Luke Skywalker."

Yes, goddamn it, Luke Skywalker. I was Luke Skywalker, and yes, I'll even admit dreaming about saving my second-grade girlfriend from Darth Vader. I was nearly too embarrassed to kiss this girl on the cheek in public, yet as Luke Skywalker I was wiping Storm Troopers off the planet left and right for this chick.

Do me a favor, let's try to keep the preceding admission just between us.

Now, I am proud to say that my heroes have improved in stature as I've gotten older. In middle school, I had moved on to more intellectual figures like Face from the A-Team. Cut me some slack, though. The actor, Dirk Benedict, had also played Starbuck on Battlestar Gallactica, so in my mind that guy was the coolest man on the freaking planet.

Another hero has always been Hawkeye from M*A*S*H. He was smart, sensitive, had a great sense of humor, and was awesome at what he does. (And no, that's not my classified ad from Out magazine.) Other heroes were Andy Dufresne from the Shawshank Redemption, for his incredible self-esteem (and a few other things you'll learn when you see the movie), Rubin Carter from The Hurricane for his strength and perseverance, and Howard Roark from The Fountainhead for his first-handed dedication to his ideals at all costs.

To me, seeing people like these achieve their goals and overcome challenges is inspiring and invigorating. Part of the gift a hero gives is the knowledge that "if they can do that, I can surely do this". But I think the greater gift is knowing that there's someone else like you out there (even if just a fictional character) who's doing things you respect and living to tell about it. It's the sense of camaraderie that a hero gives you.

Sure, you look up at a hero. But looking up need not entail pushing yourself down. Even if a particular hero is morally superior to you, you know you're both fighting the same battle. If your hero is, say, William Wallace (Braveheart), he might be leading the troops. But you're on his side of the battlefield.

We feed off our own accomplishments directly, and indirectly through the accomplishments of others. It's how we handle our challenges that makes us stronger. It's choosing to face adversity, and not giving up, that builds our character.

Lot of stuff doesn't kill you. But whether it makes you stronger is completely up to you.

THE END

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Editor's Note: After further reflection, the author was reminded that his first hero was not Luke Skywalker, but rather Batman, closely followed by Underdog. Luke Skywalker did not enter the scene until later.

And one more thing. If anyone makes fun of me for having liked Luke Skywalker more than Han Solo, you can go screw yourself. And while we're at it, yes - I always thought Ginger was better looking than Mary Ann. And I'm damn proud of it.

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