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Laissez Faire, Asshole
by Jason Roth
Great. You do it, then some unprincipled Republican comes along, who by chance happens to be right about a single issue, and says: "Let's reduce the tax rate for everyone in the highest income bracket from 50% to 25%."
You say, naturally:
"Aw, yeah. That's what I'm talking about, mother fucker. I fuckin' rule. I am God. I kick ass. I am awesome."
Unfortunately for you, you have Al Gore, George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, and Jesus H. Christ on your fucking back saying "Not so fast, mother fucker."
"NO TAX BREAKS FOR THE RICH!"
Thou shalt do for your country? No tax breaks for the rich? Are these morons really that stupid?
No, the problem is that everyone else is. This situation basically amounts to a case of the emperor's new clothes injected with LSD and crack. For our non-American friends (I said friends, not you Chinese fucks aiming nuclear warheads at my head), let me elucidate.
The story of the emperor's new clothes can be summarized thusly. (Thusly is such a pompous word, I can't resist it.) An emperor decides to walk around town naked, showing off, as he believes, his "new clothes". The townspeople, gutless bastards that they are, simply pretend that he is in fact wearing clothes. That is, until one little girl innocently points out that he's naked. (I wonder if the girl grows up to be a rapist, as the feminists would say? Pornography with actors dressed like emperors causes rape, doesn't it?)
Anyway, the average Joe doesn't usually speak up when someone objects to tax cuts for the rich. Is this just a case of the emperor's new clothes? Not quite. Remember, this metaphor has been injected with LSD and crack. (How can a metaphor be injected with drugs? I don't know, ask Bob Dylan.)
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