A Friend of Mine: Dude, you like, need a girlfriend. And stuff.
Me: Ummm...what do you mean by "need"? It's a nice thought, but I wouldn't say that it's necessary...I've never had an actual relationship so far, and I'm doing just fine...
A Friend of Mine: Well, it's important to feeling complete, as a man...
Me: Oh yeah? To be honest, I feel pretty masculine without a woman around...especially since I move as a bipedal, though I only have one leg...
A Friend of Mine: But, like, in being intimate with a woman, you get that psychological awareness of your gender and your sexuality...and you have an orgasm...and stuff...
Me: That's all true. But there's one problem: I don't want to talk to most women, let alone want to share an intimate moment with them. If I thought a guy was a moron or an asshole, I wouldn't give that guy the time of day. And since I'm fair through and through, a ditz or a bitch doesn't get treated any differently.
A Friend of Mine: Uhhh, yeah...well, you need, like, to lower your standards.
Me: Ummm...wait...did you just say that I need to lower my standards? As in actually expect less out of life and the people around me?
A Friend of Mine: Having a girlfriend is the most important thing in your life, dude...you need to put everything aside and just get one, for the sake of the experience.
Me: So, I'm supposed to have an intimate relationship with someone who I don't really respect and who I can't truly be myself around...just because that person has a vagina?
A Friend of Mine: Dude...yeah.
Me [with the opening theme to "2001" one in the background]: Oh, behold, I am the alpha and the omega. I am... [climax of opening theme] ...the vagina. [BUM, BOOM, BUM, BOOM, BUM, BOOM, BUM].
