Anheuser-Busch is now advertising "day-fresh beer". Available at sports arenas and "the hottest bars and clubs" in select cities, day-fresh Budweiser is bottled within the past 24 hours.
Budweiser, most commonly known as "piss" to beer drinkers who actually "choose on taste" (another of Bud's ad slogans), should really be using the slogan: "From our bladder, to yours." What I want to know is: does fresh piss really taste better than aged piss?
At one point, these guys were claiming that iced piss was better. Unfortunately, Bud Ice failed, so they needed a new gimmick.
"Ok, so we have two options. We can either claim that fresh Bud tastes better, or we can claim that aged Bud tastes better. Which gimmick do you want to go with?"
"Well, aged beer sounds stale. On the other hand, aged wine and cheese are good."
"Also, if we go with 'fresh' beer being the good thing, then we need the infrastructure to actually keep the beer fresh."
"Yeah, but it depends on how we define 'fresh'. How many days old is 'fresh'?
"And do you count freshness by the number of days since the beer is finished brewing, or the number of days since bottling?"
"I agree. We shouldn't shy away from calling beer 'fresh' just because the beer is sitting in vats for days or weeks at a time before bottling. Maybe fresh beer means freshly bottled."
"Plus, if we go with 'aged' beer being the good thing, we'll need to factor in the cost of inventory. Aging the beer means not selling the beer, which means paying to keep it around the factory. I say we go with 'fresh'."
"Ok, then we'll need to start defining 'fresh'. Even though the beer is bad to begin with, and therefore can't really 'go bad', let's start stamping dates on the cans. Let's call them 'born on' dates."
"Good idea. We don't need to change our bottling or distribution methods for that because nobody knows how long it takes us to distribute the beer, anyway. Let's see... the average Bud is purchased and consumed within 110 days. Therefore, we should claim that Bud tastes best if purchased and consumed within 110 days."
"If we can improve our distribution methods to get the beer trucked in faster, say even within 24 hours, we can call it 'day-fresh' beer."
"Great. That means less cost of inventory, faster revenue generation, and a gimmick that this piss-in-a-can is actually drinkable."
"Sounds good to me. Anybody for a Sam Adams?"
No wonder Bud is using the tagline I've been seeing on their latest NY subway ads: